#FEEL THE DESPAIR ONCE MORE

[r3g-p14y3r]

WORM. WORM LOOK AT ME.

WORM

I AM SHAKING YOU (affectionately) FOR THIS AGHHHH— MY HEART GODDAMMIT ALL

smoking gun

[funishment-time]

despite The Horrors, so many things in UDG really are just a hilarious concept because like. in DR3 we see the Remnants all going out into the world to Fuck Shit Up. and then Nagito is quite literally just babysitting an army of 10 year olds that really needed a time out

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the artblock be hitteth Harder than normal, for tis not normal artblock. woe. Wally be upon ye

[binah-beloved]

despairful day. remember to take comfort in anything that brings you joy. for me, that is Binah. for you, it might also be Binah. that is alright. she has hugs enough for all.

[lord-squiggletits]

Y'know the thing about writing feral/unhinged versions of Orion/Optimus, is that you can't go too far into the feral/unhinged direction to a point where OP's core character traits are lost or become too diminished. After all, in a multiple-continuity franchise like TF, part of what makes the stories make sense is that even if details change (sometimes major details), the characters are still recognizably themselves to one degree or another. (Although this isn't always the case due to executive meddling or some characters being such blank slates from their initial G1 appearances that there's basically nothing to model them off of, but I digress.)

It's pretty much another reason why I love IDW1 Optimus, bc he literally is a canonical feral/unhinged Optimus who's unhinged as a direct consequence of who he is as a person and what he's been through. Like, he still has those fundamental character traits of trying his best to be moral and make good choices, trying to be a role model, etc, except after 4 million years of war and untreated depression he's basically holding onto his sense of self by his fingertips. So when he "goes feral" e.g. losing his temper and beating up/killing people or saying hurtful things, he's feral in a way that's directly tied to his normal personality and not just as a random quirk he has.

IDW OP's feral moments arise from the gaps between "Optimus' attempts to be who he thinks he needs to be" and "the reality of the world that he can't fix/seems to only make worse" that cause him to lose hope, or become cynical, or lose his temper. But in this case, the unhinged-ness makes perfect sense because it arises out of Optimus trying and failing to be the best person or to make the most morally good choices he's trying to make. Basically, the "feral/unhinged" label is just another way of me trying to say that he's not just unhinged because he's weird or because he's a bad person, but because it's an emotional reaction (more like an emotional explosion due to pent-up emotions) to the context he exists in.

I'd also say that IDW OP's personality being generally reserved/stoic and (trying to be) noble works in tandem with those moments he has of going feral because it makes him more realistic. His psyche is treated in a way where the writers are like, "Hey what if the pressure of having to be everyone's idol and be the best person in the galaxy at all times actually broke Optimus down mentally and emotionally?" It makes IDW OP far more relatable. Instead of naturally being a perfect Christ-like figure who never wavers in his morals or convictions and is just naturally a nice person who always has the wisest and best answer, being a good person is something that IDW OP has to consciously strive to be. Even when he feels like it's useless, or the cycle of violence will never stop, or any attempts he makes to help only ends up with things becoming worse.

And I feel like this does a service not only to IDW Optimus as a character, but also as a sort of moral/philosophical perspective for the reader to ponder upon? I feel like culture at large (or at least my experience of it) tends to believe that "goodness" in a person is simply an innate feature that people are born/not born with, and that being "good" means that you must be good at all times, both in your actions as well as the way you feel emotionally about yourself and the world. Like, there's a tendency for our vision of "a good person" to be good in every aspect at all times without having to try to be a good person. So I think IDW Optimus' character stands as a good example of how someone can be good at heart but still struggle to maintain those feelings of optimism and hope and justice. It's a good idea to have such a paragon of a character (in-universe and out-of-universe) be so conflicted and to even be mistaken, misguided, or make things worse because it shows that goodness is as much about "trying to behave/act in a way that is good" and not just "existing as an innately good person."

It's way more realistic for a person to want to be good, try to be good, and sometimes/often fail than it is for them to just be a good person. I enjoy the fact that IDW Optimus is both a good person at heart, but also has to strive to be a good person and live up to other people's expectations of what they see in him. I like how he wants to be a good person and change society for the better, but he also spends a good amount of time either feeling hopeless and alone or being angry at/detached from other people because of how frustrated they make him. He's realistically portrayed as someone who wants to be good and hopeful and change things for the better, but is also mentally and emotionally broken by that burden because of how impossible it is for him to Fix Everything and be the Perfect Prime/Leader/Autobot that people see him as. It's this fascinating mixture of "yes, this is who he is as a person" but also "there are things he desires to be that he could never possibly become or live up to."

This got really far off based from feral/unhinged Optimus sdklfjaslkdlfkas. The TLDR is that if people want unhinged OP, I feel like they should give IDW OP a chance because he IS unhinged but he's unhinged in a way that's a realistic/thematic representation of how being an Absolute Good is impossible. And how being a good person isn't just about Existing And You Are A Good Person, but rather goodness is a constant state of flux in which you adjust, you make mistakes, you lose your temper and feel hopeless, but then you pick yourself up and try again.

Also IDW OP really likes climbing in dangerous wilderness and jumping out of flying vehicles which I think is very feral and sexy of him to do.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

[kiwibongos]

im thinking so loudly about ibuki and fuyuhikos friendship. i think i will explode

i dont see it ever really talked about honestly, they had so much potential together as a duo. even after everything fuyuhiko had done, he genuinely showed remorse for everything (by the whole slitting his abdomen open especially) and ibuki knew that, she understood it, so she went as far as to throw him a whole party for his recovery because she cares, she believes he can be a better person bc she is STUPIDLY optimistic about everything. fuyu must've thought he didnt deserve all that kindness

iirc, i even think at some point in dialogue, ibuki says to hajime she was gonna go find fuyuhiko to bug him, and GOD i love the thought of that. fuyuhiko just going off alone often thinking about shit (you know, The Horrors) cause its not like he had anyone— but then ibuki finds him and follows him around because she doesn't want him to be alone.

i think theyd slowly become really good friends just unfortunately off screen. i think ibuki would personally and deeply understand his kind of feeling of loneliness and not really fitting in/being normal, though it may be in different ways, ibuki must've had a tough life as well, so she would cheer him up about it. theyre both a little fucked up and silly, its what ties their bond

and dude you cannot tell me fuyuhiko didn't try to help the others while they were sick during ch3, but most notably ibuki in this case. she had done so much for him with the party, he wanted to return the favor, he wanted to keep her safe especially with how she was wandering out her room

but his efforts failed in the end. when she died, that mustve fucked him up so badly. like. for a while

he'd lost peko and natsumi, everyone hated him, but he didn't let it stop him from trying to be better. but now, he lost ibuki, just when they were getting close (AND hiyoko, who he was trying to make up with, AND mikan which hurt him too bc i think he cared deeply for her too and tried to help her overall during the disease ordeal to give back as well, but thats a whole other post), its like everyone was being taken away from him right at his feet. i feel like he'd just try to avoid people permanently from that point on. (which didnt work obvi bc akane and hajime flicked his forehead and said Hey Bitch I Love You) but anyway. god. it was too early for those three to go dammit

god i want more of ibuki and fuyuhiko i eat it up sm. their friendship is everything to me. i think ibuki would stick around with him in the restaurant at breakfast, and they'd run around the islands (fuyu would be as slow as a snail bc he's still healing lol), fuyuhiko would put up ibukis hair for her, and theyd perhaps even spend some time in the music venue just jammin to the same rock music.. god. just let them be together

[acourtofquestions]

Chapter 89

I just finished Chapter 89

[mithomite]

heyyyy guys “middle class white folk are the least affected” and “do not kill yourself guys” aren’t. mutually exclusive statements. right? we know this right.

[autumnalhalcyon]

.

[valentinoappreciator]

im having SUCH complex and complicated thoughts and feelings about valentino. unfortunately all that comes out of my mouth is the same old shit about how much i want him to rail me. i hate this

[fruitageoforanges]

it’s once again that time of the week where i whine about how difficult it is to meet my own self-imposed deadlines for updating my fic. anyway, i’m sick, this fucking chapter isn’t finished, the characters are desperate to jump each other’s bones in flagrant disregard of any attempt at narrative tension and i’m wishing i actually started writing this fucking thing earlier in the week

[heartoflesh]

I want out of this pain... I want out of this mental torture that suppresses my mind. I've wanted to die. How do you medically induce amnesia?

The only thing worth going through this pain is the gain of heaven some day.

[pepprs]

yeah no im not going to lie to you gewls. the psychic damage of having to apply for the full-time version of my internship a year ago was kinda unbearable but like it made sense that i had to do that. but the psychic damage of having to apply for the literal EXACT same job that i am CURRENTLY IN just at a regular status with better benefits… is quite simply unspeakable. make it make sense.

[larry-ben-kenobi]

I just cannot escape the yearning to die

Its almost been a decade and if I think about it it still brings my mental space into the molten core of the earth

I'm just so tired of being depressed im not depressed like I used to be, though, it just gets duller because I'm so damn used to it unless i let myself think about how much I don't want to be alive

Bleh. Ive said it for years and still true, if I could find 18 year old me id tell him to do the attempt better, rather than anything about how life is worth it. It's been eight years and honestly it only got worse. Was supposed to have done it when I was 14 probably, and never bothered anyone.

Hate being such a stereotypical zoomer freak about my own existence though.

[t-u-i-t-c]

chapter xlvii